Holy Terror
by PiePrincess-andthe-FallenAngel
Summary: Castiel wasn't acting like himself in Holy Terror and this is why. Spoilers for 9x10 Holy Terror, canon to the episode. Slight hint of Destiel. One shot.


**Okay, so during the last episode, 'Holy Terror', everyone was saying that Cas was really out of character and I agreed. But after a little thought I realised that he was acting like Dean, probably to make Dean like him again. This could be taken as bromance or romance. I obviously took it is Destiel (but only very slightly). Enjoy :)**

**Also, if you follow any of my other fics, I haven't given up on them. It's just that I don't have time to write because my English coursework deadline is getting close. If I've stopped updating a fic it's because I have run out of chapters and need to write more.**

_**dontmesswithmyotps **_**is to credit for the theory of what was going through Cas's mind as he took the angel's grace.**

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Cas took a deep breath as he neared the crime scene. His name was _Eddie Moscone. Eddie Moscone. Eddie. Eddie._ A tall man noticed him as he walked closer to the scene and Cas swallowed hard. The only other times he'd done this he'd been with Dean. He would have called for Dean's help on this case but the Winchesters didn't need him now he was no-longer an angel. He wasn't useful anymore. But that was okay, he didn't blame his friends. Cas concentrated on picking the badge up the right way around this time, just like he'd practiced, as he flashed it to the officer who'd approached him. Complete relief washed over him as he did it correctly and then he began to talk like he'd seen Sam and Dean do. The officer let him into the bar and he got to work.

Not ten minutes later he heard the unmistakable sound of Dean's car pull up outside the bar and Cas froze. The man who Cas'd been questioning asked if he was okay and he nodded before continuing. A minute later Sam and Dean came into his view.

"Erm… my colleagues" Cas said in dismissal of the man and turned to his friends. Sam was trying to hold in a smile at Cas as he punched him in the arm playfully.

"Agent" Sam said in acknowledgment and Castiel returned the greeting.

"Cas…" Dean said quietly, drawing his attention, "what the hell are you doing"

"Erm… I still had that badge you gave me" Cas said equally as quiet and leaned closer to his friend. But Dean's face was emotionless and that worried him.

"Yeah, er… what the hell are you doing?" The smile that had been forming on the former-angel's lips dropped as he looked sadly at his friend. He was still crestfallen at Dean's rejection and kicking him out of the bunker. But Dean had been trying to convince him to take up hunter not three weeks ago and so he thought that the man would be happy. Cas tried to compose himself but the reminder that Dean thought he was useless hurt. He tilted his head in confusion and pushed back his sadness.

"The murders were all over the news. I… I thought I might be of help" he said as he looked long and hard at Dean, trying to decipher what the man was thinking, but as always. He was a blank slate.

"Yeah but Cas" Sam said just before Dean opened his mouth to speak, the eldest brother stopped in his tracks to allow Sam to talk and Cas turned to look at Sam. "You know this is an _angel_ situation right?" He cast a look over his shoulder to make sure no-one could hear them. "I mean… you left that night because angel's were on your ass" Cas frowned and tilted his head slightly at Sam's words but Dean spoke up before he could say anything.

"Yeah and you were living the _life_" Cas turned back to Dean, fitting the pieces together in his mind. "you know early retirement, working your way up the "Gas'n'Sip" ladder"

"Well if angels are slaughtering one another, I have to do what I can to help" he said in a purposefully monotoned voice to not let any of his emotions slip. He didn't want Dean to know how much hurt he was feeling. Dean seamed to mull over his words for a few seconds but Cas continued, "it's a risk we should be willing to take. Don't you think?" Both brother's seamed to agree so he made a split second decision. It seemed he would be working with them for this case so this might be his only opportunity to make Dean believe he _wasn't_ useless. To make Dean like him again. He couldn't live human life without his friends. Without _Dean. _He remembered something he'd heard on the television once and repeated it, knowing that Dean enjoys quoting the television"Hey. Cas is back in town" he put on a fake smile to go with his words.

"Seriously did you just… did he just say that?" Dean rambled and Cas wasn't sure if that was a good or bad reaction, but then Sam laughed and Cas nodded slightly to himself. He'd have to try harder to win over Dean but he could do this. Cas opened the case folder and looked at it.

"These angels, er, were butchered" Sam took the file from him to look it over. "It was much more violence then was required" there was a few seconds as Sam looked over the pictures.

"Definitely took more than one or two killers to pull this off"

"Hit squad? Bartholomew's people?" Dean asked and Cas refused to tell him he didn't know what he was talking about. He needed Dean to like him, so he needed to act more like Dean.

"Well Bartholomew is the faction we know about. But this could be someone else entirely we don't know" Dean shrugged and Cas saw another opportunity, knowing Dean would usually pat him or Sam on the shoulder and say they something encouraging.

"Well, whatever it is" Cas began and lifted both hands to pat both the brother's shoulders, he mad eye contact with Dean, "we'll find them," he then walked between the Winchesters and out the door.

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Cas was sitting between Sam and Dean drinking a beer, something that he didn't particularly care for but he knew that Dean did.

"It is so good being together again" he said and looked at Dean in hope of getting a response but it was harder to keep eye contact with him now he was no-longer an angel and so after a few seconds he had to look away. "You know this is my first beer as a human" he said and glanced back at the eldest Winchester, but Dean said nothing. Cas sighed, thinking that he needed to get Dean to talk, so he brought up the conversation that he already knew Dean had lied to Sam about. "I hope it's okay, me joining you?" He looked between Sam and Dean, trying to get an answer from either of them.

"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Sam asked and Dean looked troubled for a moment which told Cas that this part of his plan was going to work. Dean would _have_ to change the subject.

"You know Cas are you sure you're ready to… jump back into all this? I mean it seemed to me like you'd actually found some peace" Cas lifted up his bottle, trying to think of something Dean would say when it popped into his head.

"Hey, you once told me: you don't choose what you do, it chooses you" Cas kept eye contact with Dean. "I'm a part of this" he said and moved his bottle to clink it with the eldest Winchester's, "like it or not" he took another sip of the bitter, frankly horrid drink.

"Alright" Sam said, "well in that case we have to figure out… er, who are we up against, what do they want and how to stop them" Cas took a deep breath, if he could answer at least some of those questions then it proves he's not useless… doesn't it. He thought about it and remembered his conversation with the reaper that had been possessing April.

"Well, Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron's spell… presumably to retake heaven once his following is large enough. That's according to April." He wasn't entirely sure why he brought her up in the conversation, his new emotions were confusing and for some reason he just needed to see Dean's reaction.

"The reaper you banged?" Dean asked.

"Yep" Cas said looking in Dean's eyes; willing him to talk more. "And you stabbed" Dean nodded.

"She was hot" Dean said and Cas let out a sigh of relief. He didn't necessarily know what 'hot' was but he remembered Dean use it in positive ways towards many females. Anyway, it didn't really matter what 'hot' meant as long as Dean thought it was true then Cas was going to agree.

"So hot. And very nice" Dean made a noise of agreement, "up until the point she started torturing me"

"Yeah, well. Not every hook-up's perfect" Dean said with a smile and patted Cas on the shoulder. And Cas knew in that moment that he could fix this, if he just continued to act this way then Dean would forgive him and won't kick him out of his life again.

"Okay, well. I'm gonna get us another round" Sam said and began to get up but Cas stopped him.

"Nah, I'll get it" he said; he'd seen on the television that buying drinks for people put you in good standing with them. He jumped up and empted his bottle in front of Dean before shoving it on the table, "I've never done this before" Cas said and then left for the bar. Cas waved down the bartender and ordered the beers. A minute later he walked back to the table and sat down with the beers in hand. "Here we go. Three brewskies"

"I'm going to get something out of the car" Sam said and walked off. Once he left an uncomfortable silence fell at the table which Dean seemed unwilling to fill and it saddened Cas. He liked hearing Dean talk, he was fascinating. And the only way he could convince Dean to like him again was by talking, so Cas searched his mind for something to say. Anything.

"I, erm. I noticed that you look uncomfortable whenever Sam… mentions my leaving" Cas waited for a response but didn't get one, "doesn't he know that you… told me to leave?" He continued with a head tilt, but Dean just looked down at his drink and was silent. Cas looked around the building in search of another topic to bring up, but turned back to face Dean when the hunter began to talk.

"Here's the deal… when Sam was doing the trials to seal up hell it messed him up. Okay? The third one nearly killed him. If I had let him finish then he would have. He's still messed up, bad"

"But you said the angel, Ezekiel, helped heal him"

"Look I gotta do anything I can to get him back. Now if that means that we keep our distance from you for a little while then… I don't have a choice" Cas lowered his eyes from Dean as he felt the hope that had been building inside dissipate and he feared once again that Dean was going to ask him to leave. "I don't feel good about it but I don't have a choice… it's great to have your help Cas" the former-angel looked up at the human and felt a lump build in his throat as fear and sadness welled up inside of him and he fought to contain the emotions inside and not let Dean see him weakened as his eyes began to burn. "But we just can't work together"

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Castiel had spent hours praying for guidance. He prayed mostly for information on the angel wars, but deep down he was praying for something else too; he praying for the chance to return to his family. To the Winchesters. To Dean. But now here he was. Tied up in a large underground safe house. It had probably originally been built as a bomb shelter; the walls were thick and with the doors closed it was impossible to hear the screams that escaped those tortured in the rooms.

Cas was beaten and broken and tired. But he had been through worse then these two angels could dream of doing to him. He'd fought through the depths of hell, he'd been captured and held by heavens flanks and he'd been in a continuous battle in Purgatory. He didn't remember it all. Heaven had been great at covering there tracks; who knows how many times he was tortured into obeying orders, simply to have his memories altered after he'd complied. But those time he remembered still haunted him, it could be said that Heaven's own torturers rivalled Alastair himself. And so Cas held still and strong against Malaki and Theo. They were unskilled compared to the agonies he'd faced.

He told them the truth but they didn't believe him. No-one ever did. He watched as they killed the angel, Muriel, and he learned that Ezekiel had died in the fall. He hoped to be able to escape here, to tell Dean of what he learnt, but he doubted that was possible. Then he prepared for his own death. But it didn't come.

"I need you to speak to Metatron" the angel said and Cas opened his eyes to look at him, "everyone knows you have influence. He'll listen to you. Ask him to raise me to heaven. You can do this Castiel, I'll be a soldier for Metatron, do anything he wants" Cas saw his way out of his death. He didn't like it, but it was the only way to help his friends. Dean could be in danger.

"You… You serve Maliki"

"I thought he was the answer but he's crazy"

"Well you're noticing this now?" Cas asked in disbelief. "You were more than willing to do his dirty work" he continued with a pointed glance at Muriel's empty vessel lying beaten and bloodied on the floor.

"I did what I had to" Theo said and Cas continued to talk to him. He convinced the angel to let him out of the shackles that bound him. Once he was free he rubbed at his wrists in deep thought. He could easily incapacitate Theo and leave; even injured he was a better fighter than most angels. But he was mottled with cuts and bruises and blood; it was unlikely that he'd get far enough away to be able to contact Dean without being spotted by angel or human. Either one was bad; angels were out for his head and humans were impulsive. Which meant that Cas's only option, if he was going to warn Dean, was to sink to their level. Now that he knew Ezekiel was dead he knew that Dean and Sam could be in serious trouble. He had to help them. And so Castiel picked up the angel blade and sliced Theo's neck. The angel's grace poured out of the wound, which Cas sucked up. It burst out of him and healed his vessel, consuming him.

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**I hope you enjoyed reading this. I got the idea just after the first episode but haven't had time to write it until now. If I'm honest I only wrote it for myself and wasn't going to upload it.**

**Thanks once again to **_**dontmesswithmyotps.**_

**If you liked it or didn't please review :) **


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